I was looking back over my checklist of things to write about... and I saw "my obsessiveness" written down. Now maybe you didn't notice already but I am obsessive about a lot of things. Mostly about music. If I was to be stuck on a deserted island and could take only one appliance, it would have to be my stereo. Of course I'd need electricity and all but you know what I mean. I cannot go a day at a time without listening to music, but I barely watch TV.
But when I say "my obsessiveness" I don't mean about how I constantly buy CD's and spend all my time listening, playing or writing music. Although I do.
I mean, I'm obsessive about people. I cannot help but get attached I guess.
I mean, this is a life where you are supposed to have "crushes" and have trivial relationships and "go out" and I just find the whole thing pointless. I mean, I've cared about two people in my life. I had a one or two "crushes" before that, but for a long while there was absolutely nothing there, and it is the emptiest feeling to sit there and think "holy shit, you always wanted to be individual, now you are a true one of a kind. A freakshow. Laugh about it now, folks, the lifestyle doesn't appeal."
Hell I can't explain what I mean.
Doesn't anyone see a pointlessness to the whole ethic of "going out" when you don't even know what a person is like??
I'm not writing to show how wrong the world is. Hell, I'm in th wrong, shoot me if you will. I'm writing to say, I can't just have trivialities in my life. Everything has to have meaning. Everything is obsessed over.
What I meant to say... I'm sorry I lost control.
I don't mean to be like this, I just am.