That's the thing, isn't it? Need. I know a drug that's the most potent in the world. She's a funny drug. The communication is more heartfelt than any I've known... and if you know me at all, you'll know that's not always easy to get from me. And I guess that's a lot of the reason I love it so much. It's like there's something in her, not just the communication, but the desire, and the insanity, and the genuine nature and good intentions and I guess, the harsh reality that some things are out of reach... I guess that's all part of it too.
But the worst part of it is the lack of empathy from anyone... if anyone at all understood it, maybe that would be alright, but it's like I'm lost in a void, where no one can see what's going on inside my head. And, it's funny, because it's so clichéd, the whole "fall in love, live happily ever after" thing. When everything you've ever done is so drastically non-conformist and anti-everything, it's so cruel when the one clichéd thing in your life makes you feel lonely and isolated.
The need... the need is horrible. When it comes to a time when you cannot bear to go without speaking or communicating, it's sort of terrible. But it's also comfortable in it's own way. Isn't it addiction? When you try to sleep, knowing sleep won't come, and your mind fills with all the things you want, that could be, that aren't, that are, that you need to have, and that you can't have... it's torture. [Can't you even begin to understand my need? I guess you can't feel it if you can't understand it...]
At least if the drug in question is a narcotic, it's a physical addiction for which there is help. I've got no such luck.