All my dreams are in third person

Last night was the first dream ever (that I could remember) that was in first person.  And it was like any normal dream.  I seemed to be seeing people for that last time.  And they were so apologetic about everything, it was uncanny, all the people I did not care about actually showed genuine emotion.

And it all turned from a morbid dream to a hopeful dream when I saw bubbles leave their mouths... we were underwater!  I'd never noticed before, and I loved it, the surprise... And I realized I was being taken along a stream by a current for some unknown reason... and it frightened me slightly...  faces seeing me for the last time, seemingly, like not saying goodbye, but wishing me farewell on a voyage.

Then I saw it...

The face!

Oh, if only I could describe it... to attempt: it wasn't a beautiful face, and it was not comparable to the face of my love... I love you still, and you know it!  But this face was open and pure and wholesome and it glowed in the dark in a way which caused me to love it in an instant.

She was familiar, too... I knew her, in a way I couldn't understand.  You know your parents, and you know your name and your age and your eye colour, and I knew her.  It was simple, like that.

She was naked.  Her body was beautiful, since she glowed for me.  I don't remember her in the way I would remember a human girl, as in body shape, breasts, legs, etc... she glowed, and she was gorgeous... she was a sun to me, and I floated past her...

And all of this happened in about a second.

And in that second, I heard her say:

And I knew her, I knew I wanted to know  her... I wanted to know who she was, why she meant something to me and why I didn't know how she did... and I turned as I was carried along in the water, away from her... and I tried to swim back to her!

It was the only thing in my life I'd ever done which I really felt like was worth anything to me.  I swum for her, because I loved her in that moment, and at this moment, I know I've only ever loved three people in my life... two human (you know who you are!) and a third, what was/is my dream girl.

I love her still.

I tried to hold her, and I did for a moment, before I/she slipped away.  My hands slid along her long blonde/brownish hair down her spine to her feminine buttocks, and over her hips to her stomach, over her chest and I last touched her cheek as she looked me in the eye and smiled at me.

And in a flash, I was gone... she was gone from me, and before I knew what happened, I hit a bright light - presumably the surface, I wasn't paying attention, since I was facing the other way.

And I woke up.

I loved her then, and I love her still.  I know it was a dream, but she was something to me.

She is a part of me that is dead.

Her name may be Grace.  She is my grace, dear departed.  She was the part of me that is fragile and graceful and agile.  She is not at all clumsy or awkward or oafish.

Her name may be Anger, which I cannot express, I can only express sorrow and regret.

Her name is Passion, which went with my last love.

Her name is Vivaciousness, which I no longer have, want, nor need.

Her name is Trust, which scattered years ago.

She is my soul, and she is dead.

She is my heart, and she never existed.