but ask yourself:
maybe it's better with me unhappy
maybe it's better that it's on my mind
maybe you'll be better off
maybe you don't want the details
maybe i'm just waiting, wanting (dying) to give them to you, and you
are too afraid/shy/polite to ask
i want you to have something
have my computer
have my stereo
have my dreamcast and my games and my clothes and my cd's
in fact, have my webpage
keep it alive
keep my legacy open, please
maybe i just want your attention
maybe i just want your little ray of light shiing on me, because of
the warmth you give me
maybe i just want you
i want you
you don't know that, though
you don't want to know that, do you?
this is hell
maybe i talk too much
maybe i'm too moody
maybe i'm pathetic and trasnparent too
maybe i'm pathetic and transparent to you
i'd hate that
maybe i'm too moody for you
maybe i'm over you
maybe you're over me
maybe you had nothing to get over
i hope not
:)
maybe i'm bitter and twisted
maybe i'm a corkscrew just grinding through the cork that is your mind
just to taste what lies inside
but what's there?
i wish i knew
i hope it's me
i don't even know who this is about
i feel like it's about the you who is always out there, who i always
write to
but it feels a little like this is to nothing, nobody, zero!
it also feels like i need that new sunshine to see this
and to see i'm twisted
but lovable
and seeking a sun
why do i type?
it's late
i should be doing something normal like looking at pictures of attractive
women or something normal people do
this is silly
this is irrational (not to mention unsporting)
yes i drink too much
because it's numbing
maybe she's vain
maybe i'm vain
maybe i listen to too much music
maybe you're bored already
right?
maybe i need a new style
maybe i should be aggressive
because nothing comes to me when i'm passive
i wish i didn't think about it anymore
i hate the way my mouth drops open slightly
and my eyes gloss over
and i lose myself
and i want to cry, sort of, but i don't
because i have to be strong, right?
and that look
the eyes going all far away
and the mouth open just enough to trap flies
makes me look so stupid
and i hate that
i look stupid enough as it is
i hate her/you for making it like this
maybe in a few months or years you'll see this
maybe we'll be talking then, again
maybe we'll be together again
maybe i'll crawl back again as i've done in the past
and you'll read this and be upset
because right now i wish i'd never known you
and i fucking hate you for making me like this
and if you're reading this, and i'm in the vicinity of you
i want you to hit me
and i want you to tell me
"david, don't you remember...?"
and i want you to cry
and i want to cry
because i never ever want to go back
and if i'm back
i don't want to be there
so tell me to get out
and run
release is fun for a while
but it never solves anything long term
it's just confusing
because it makes you vulnerable
and if you're thinking
"hey, this is about me...
it's my turn now..."
you're probably right
but vulnerability is a bad thing
and unless you've got someone to take that away
with a reassuring touch
or smile
or whatever
when you both know that
"it's ok, david... it's ok"
it's a bad thing
because you'll only ever think of that moment
when you fell apart
and you knew you'd never be able to be put back together again
at least, not in quite the right way
not like you were
or was
or should be
just talk to me
and let me know
everyone who's out there
that it's ok
that it's ok
because you might know
but not everyone does
the happier i appear
the more i'm faking it for you
just for you